Rivalry Week

It is upon us. The week when BYU puts the Utes out of their misery. I predict that Max Hall gets even for last year's debacle and ends his Career on a high note. In the spirit of fun here are a few Rivalry Jokes that should be good fodder.

One foggy night, a Utah fan and a BYU fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Salt Lake City. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The BYU fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Ute fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The BYU fan walks over to the Ute fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Ute fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Ute fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Cougar fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Cougar fan agrees and grabs the bottle, and says "I usually don't drink, why don't you start". After sucking down half of the bottle, the Ute fan hands it back to the BYU fan and says, "Your turn!"

The BYU fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: How do you get a Utah cheerleader into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips and throw in a Twinkie.

Q: How do you keep a Ute out of your backyard?

A: Put up goal posts

The University of Utah was looking to have nativity scene to celebrate the holiday season. Aftger an exhaustive search the nativity was called off. The Reason? Organizers were unable to locate 3 Wisemen and a virgin.

Q: What's the difference between a University of Utah fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Utah library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why did U of U replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.

A man from USU, Utah, and BYU are all standing in the restroom taking care of business. The man from Utah finishes first. He shakes, zips up and heads to the sink. He uses an obscenely amount of soap to wash his hands and pulls all kinds of paper towels to dry them. He goes on to say, "At the U they teach us to be really clean." Just about that time, the man from Utah State finishes. He shakes, zips up and heads to the sink. He only uses a little bit of soap to wash his hands, and only one paper towel to dry. He says, "At Utah State they teach us to be clean, but economical." At that time the man from BYU finishes his business. He shakes, zips up and just walks out the bathroom. He says, "At BYU, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

You know, there is one huge advantage that Utah alums have. They can park anywhere they want, even in handicap stalls. All they have to do is hang their diploma off the rear view mirror.

The Utah football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with pride.

Q: How many U of U freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

The U is playing at Wyoming, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A U fan sets off a firecracker, and the Cowboys, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, Utah punts.

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent Utah Alum and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Ute?
Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

Q: What does a Utah grad call a BYU grad?
A: Boss.

Q: What do you get when you breed a Utah Football player and a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How do you get a University of Utah graduate off your front step?
A: Pay him for the pizza

Q: What is the difference between a University of Utah graduate and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What is the difference between a U of U co-ed and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve Utah freshman.

Most of these are totally unfair, but hey its a rivalry!!