Rivalry Week

It is upon us. The week when BYU puts the Utes out of their misery. I predict that Max Hall gets even for last year's debacle and ends his Career on a high note. In the spirit of fun here are a few Rivalry Jokes that should be good fodder.

One foggy night, a Utah fan and a BYU fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Salt Lake City. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The BYU fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Ute fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The BYU fan walks over to the Ute fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Ute fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Ute fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Cougar fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Cougar fan agrees and grabs the bottle, and says "I usually don't drink, why don't you start". After sucking down half of the bottle, the Ute fan hands it back to the BYU fan and says, "Your turn!"

The BYU fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Q: How do you get a Utah cheerleader into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips and throw in a Twinkie.

Q: How do you keep a Ute out of your backyard?

A: Put up goal posts

The University of Utah was looking to have nativity scene to celebrate the holiday season. Aftger an exhaustive search the nativity was called off. The Reason? Organizers were unable to locate 3 Wisemen and a virgin.

Q: What's the difference between a University of Utah fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Utah library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why did U of U replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.

A man from USU, Utah, and BYU are all standing in the restroom taking care of business. The man from Utah finishes first. He shakes, zips up and heads to the sink. He uses an obscenely amount of soap to wash his hands and pulls all kinds of paper towels to dry them. He goes on to say, "At the U they teach us to be really clean." Just about that time, the man from Utah State finishes. He shakes, zips up and heads to the sink. He only uses a little bit of soap to wash his hands, and only one paper towel to dry. He says, "At Utah State they teach us to be clean, but economical." At that time the man from BYU finishes his business. He shakes, zips up and just walks out the bathroom. He says, "At BYU, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

You know, there is one huge advantage that Utah alums have. They can park anywhere they want, even in handicap stalls. All they have to do is hang their diploma off the rear view mirror.

The Utah football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with pride.

Q: How many U of U freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

The U is playing at Wyoming, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A U fan sets off a firecracker, and the Cowboys, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, Utah punts.

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent Utah Alum and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Ute?
Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

Q: What does a Utah grad call a BYU grad?
A: Boss.

Q: What do you get when you breed a Utah Football player and a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: How do you get a University of Utah graduate off your front step?
A: Pay him for the pizza

Q: What is the difference between a University of Utah graduate and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What is the difference between a U of U co-ed and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve Utah freshman.

Most of these are totally unfair, but hey its a rivalry!!

#46 Its been a month... & "Shouldn't you have already known that?"S

Yeah so it has been a long month since my last blog post. I guess I ran out of steam or creative juice or just plain got lazy. We will see how it goes from here on out. But I had a though this morning that "inspired" this blog.

I am feeling particularly good today. I have a better outlook on life and the trials that I am facing. As I sat here at my desk trying to figure out what was different from yesterday or Wednesday when I was feeling exactly the opposite it hit me. last night my sweet wife Heather and I went to the Temple with the members of our Elder's quorum and thier wives last night. I thought "THAT'S IT!" I feel good because I DID some good. I am decidedly more happy and ready to tackle life's issues because, in some small part, I think I put life into better perspective last night. It makes me think "hey you should do that A LOT more often" And I should. In fact today I WANT to. But regardless of what happens in the future, I can now look back and remember "hey remember when you were having a LOUSY week? Yeah GO TO THE TEMPLE YOU BIG IDIOT!"

#45 End of an Era??

In the next week one of the greatest of all time will most likely end a career for the ages. Ken Griffey Jr has long been one of the best players to ever play the game. A sure fire first ballot Hall of famer. Having Junior back in Seattle this year to end his legacy correctly has been fun to enjoy. He has helped repair a fractured club house and restored some legitimacy to a club searching for an Identity. Thanks Junior. We will miss your smile and the way you played the game.

#44 GREAT NEWS!!!!

Last week Heather and I got letters from the First Presidency telling us that we are cleared to be sealed. We are being sealed for all eternity on October 1st 2009 in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. We have watched the temple being built and decided when we got married a year ago that this would be where were sealed. And, now, a little after 5PM MDT on the 1st it will be eternal. I, needless to say< am VERY excited and pleased to be with my sweetheart for all Eternity. I love you Heather.

#43 What a weekend!

I have been giddy most of the weekend. My wife has questioned whether or not College Football will ever end (sorry babe its only week 1) What has me so hyped? Well the Cougs are ranked in the Top 10 now thanks to beating Oklahoma this weekend. Here are the Highlights.




This is what happened in Provo after the win. now please remember that the vasdt majority of these people were STONE COLD SOBER.

#42 New blog for my Political rantings

So my wife thinks that I talk too much about the politics in our country. so in response to that I am creating a new blog "JR's Political Rant" This will serve both my need to vent about politics and keep this blog for the quirkier side of my mind.

The link is http://jrpoliticalrant.blogspot.com/

#41 Ronald Regan on Socialized medicine.

This was on Glenn Beck today. I have read out of the Ronald Regan Diaries and I continue to be impressed by this man and his politics.

#40 Stumbling around the Internet

As I have written before I use Stumble! to stay entertained when all my avenues of healthy internet entertainment are dried up. This blog post is dedicated to the videos that I have found online that are NOT POLITICAL (you're welcome Heather :) ) Enjoy!

Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta from Connected Ventures (HD)
by allcurious

I love that Song!



So I am a bit of a Star Wars Geek.



A Tribute to a Great Man.



Funny Stuff (pardon the language)


Demetri Martin - Large Pad - Watch more Funny Videos

A bit PG-13 but I found it VERY funny. (yeah Maybe I am going to Hell)

That's it for now. Have fun!

#39 With Appologies to my wife... 4 Myths of Global warming.

I found this article by C.J. Carnacchio
that I had to repost. I appologize to my wife who doesn't think that she got enough repreive from politics on my blog. But I promise the next one will be non-political.

Myth #1: Global Warming: Despite the rantings of the apocalyptic eco-prophets, the actual temperature records, taken in North America and Western Europe, show no significant or consistent upward trends. There is, instead, a series of highs and lows. According to the Greenhouse theory, the increase in carbon dioxide emissions since the beginning of the Industrial Age should have increased average temperatures by two to four degrees Celsius over the last 100 years. In reality, temperatures have only increased a paltry 0.5 degrees Celsius.

In fact, between the 1940s and the mid-1970s temperatures were steadily declining. This led environmentalists in the 1970s to predict global cooling and the coming of a new ice age. They blamed the same industrial economy and pollutants then for global cooling that they now blame for global warming. New ice age or melting polar ice caps, the environmentalists can't seem to make up their minds. It seems as long as they have a crisis to fuel their agenda and keep those donations rolling in, they'll preach anything.

As for the claim that the carbon dioxide emission levels of industry are responsible for global warming, here are some facts. Both historic and prehistoric levels of carbon dioxide have shifted and changed without human intervention. Historic increases in carbon dioxide have occurred about the same time as temperature increases, but a careful study of the data shows the rise in temperature preceded the increase in carbon dioxide, not the reverse. In the prehistoric era, carbon dioxide levels were at times ten times what they are today, and that was during a period when life was evolving and taking shape.

Carbon dioxide is actually a minor greenhouse gas. Carbon dioxide, methane, hydrocarbons, and aerosol only account for two percent of greenhouse warming. The main greenhouse gas which accounts for the other 98 percent is water vapor. So carbon dioxide's effect is ultimately insignificant, no matter how much industry has created.

Myth #2: The Hole in the Ozone Layer: Contrary to the environmentalists' claims, there is no permanent hole in the ozone layer and no ozone shortage. Ozone is constantly created and destroyed. The interaction of ultraviolet radiation with oxygen molecules is what produces ozone. In the stratosphere, 10 to 40 kilometers above the earth's surface, several tons of ozone are produced every second.

The amount of ozone present at any one time is influenced by many factors. For example, the amount of ultraviolet radiation reaching the stratosphere (and ultimately producing ozone) depends upon latitude, solar cycle, and season. Concentrations of ozone may differ drastically from one day to the next, sometimes by as much as 50 percent, depending on the weather. Ozone holes are natural reactions to these ultraviolet light variations. Ozone levels can also be affected by the amount of volcanic matter in the stratosphere. Each volcanic eruption emits roughly a thousand times the amount of ozone-depleting chemicals than all the CFCs man has ever produced.

The ozone hole that appeared over Antarctica and caused all the panic is a natural and annual phenomena. The annual ozone hole was first measured in 1956-57, long before the ozone-destroying CFCs were in common use. The hole appears at the end of the dark, cold Antarctic winter, lasts about three to five weeks, and then disappears. There is no overall or permanent depletion of the ozone layer.

Myth #3: Deforestation and Clear-cutting: America's forests are not vanishing. There are 730 million acres of forest land in the United States today. The growth on those acres is extremely dense, with a total of 230 billion trees (that's 900 trees for each American). When the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, 45 percent of what is now the 48 contiguous United States was covered by mature forest land. Today, 32 percent is still covered by forest, two-thirds of the total before the pilgrims arrived.

Contrary to environmentalist propaganda, clear-cutting does not leave behind a scarred and barren wasteland. It is usually done in a checkerboard manner leaving behind large areas of forest. The areas where cutting occurs are then replanted. Trees are a valuable commodity, and companies have an incentive not to overcut them. Today, many companies are planting millions of trees on their own land and carefully harvesting them.

Even the U.S. Forest Service admits that, "Drastic as it may seem, clear cutting plays a legitimate and prominent role in scientific forestry. Properly done, it paves the way for a new, unencumbered and hence vigorously growing forest." Clear-cutting was even practiced by the Indians, who burned areas to provide a cleared space for new growth, which was favored by animals they hunted such as elk and deer.

Myth #4 Endangered Species: Environmentalists claim that five species go extinct every day, but the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service reports that five species, subspecies, and varieties of plants and animals have gone extinct every three and three-quarters years since 1620. The fact is that most animals and plants go extinct from natural causes such as climatic changes, food shortages, disease, and competition with more dominant species. It's called survival of the fittest. Some animals are meant to go extinct and some are meant to survive. This is how species perpetuate themselves.

The Endangered Species Act of 1973 represents one of the most irresponsible pieces of legislation ever passed by Congress. The law basically gives the government the authority to stop extinction in all cases, regardless of the cost, by any means necessary. Not every species can or should be protected. Do we really need to save every allegedly endangered insect out there? Many creatures on the endangered species list are not really endangered or even a scientifically defined species at all. Yet, we spend roughly $2.6 million a year for each creature on the list.

The environmentalists use their doomsday predictions as a form of political blackmail. They create these eco-bogeymen, hold them over people, and then preach the coming of the apocalypse unless their demands are met. Environmentalists see themselves as the Earth's new vanguard class, uniquely capable of seeing the impending doom while the rest of humanity remains blind to the danger.

The greatest casualty of the environmental movement has been the property rights of American citizens. The greatest benefactor has been the Leviathan State. What better way to control someone's property than to subordinate one's private property rights to environmental concerns. Under the guise of "defending the environment," the imperial Congress has been able to enact laws which allow government officials to confiscate private property, levy fines for noncompliance of up to $25,000 a day, prevent owners from using their land, and even jail a land owner who uses his land for any purpose other than that which the government has dictated. This is a clear and obscene violation of the Fifth Amendment which states, "No person shall ... be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation."

The ideology of the Greens has roots in both fascism and Marxism. The Nazis were naturalists and have been described as "the first radical environmentalists in charge of a state." As political writer David Horowitz wrote, "The enthronement of biological imperatives, of the virtues of blood and soil and the primitive communities of the Volk, the pagan rejection of the Judaeo-Christian God, and the radical anti-humanism featured in the philosophy of the Greens" are all derivatives of the Nazi ideology.

From Marxism, the environmentalists derived their hatred of the free market, private property, and the upper classes. The environment has become the new weapon of choice to attack capitalism. Dolphins and trees have become the new proletariat. In order to achieve the ecological balance the radical environmentalists advocate, it would be necessary to progressively narrow "the gap to reduce the differences between the Earth's wealthiest and poorest inhabitants" until there are "more or less equal shares for all people." Sound familiar, comrade? How ironic that it was the totalitarian regimes of Eastern europe and the soviet Union that had the most horrendous environmental conditions on Earth.

Paul Watson, co-founder of the eco-terrorist group Greenpeace, summed up the true face of the environmental movement when he said, "It doesn't matter what's true; it only matters what people believe is true ... You are what the media define you to be. [Greenpeace] became a myth and a myth-generating machine." Amen.